Playing with Fire

When I began writing this blog, I thought it would be about my life as an artist, about lampworking, making beads from glass. Maybe a little bit about the creative process.
After reading through my posts, it suprised me to discover that I have hardly written about beadmaking at all. This has turned into a running commentary of my life, loves, musings, shortcomings, spirituality, politics, and other things in-between.
In consideration of these topics, I can honestly say this blog is aptly named. I guess I really am playing with fire. My opinions are my own, and many might disagree with me. My musings are introspective, my shortcomings are many, my spirituality is hybrid, and my politics lean left. I don't even know if anybody really reads this, but it's OK. The writing is therapeutic, and I feel that some of what I say matters. The more I write, the more authentic I feel. I realize that it's not necessary for everybody to agree on everything, but if a dialogue can begin, maybe I have made a little bit of a difference.
I will continue to play with fire, one way or another. Thanks for reading. Peace.

Misplaced Muse

I've misplaced my muse. I don't know where I put it, or if it ran away. Maybe it's in hiding, waiting for the weather to break, like I am.
I've looked in all the usual places, my indoor jewelry studio, my outdoor glass studio, under my bed, in the closets, even in the books I use for inspiration. It has vanished. No trace of it. I really miss it.
I know it can't have gotten very far, because I just had it a few weeks ago. Like most precious things, I must have set it free, hoping it would return to me refreshed and renewed. I hope it returns soon because I am really lonely without it.
Please, let me know if you see it, and ask it to come back to me. I will be more respectful of it, I promise, and will cherish it they way it deserves.

It's really easy to get behind

because I haven't written here for over a week! Life has been busy, crazy, and I am just getting back into the swing of things in Phoenix. It was really hard coming down the mountain that final day, and I have been in a funk ever since. It didn't help that I took a weekend trip to Cleveland over Labor Day, a place that's not exactly known for its weather. It rained, of course, alot.
I am trying to gradually ease myself back into my everyday life, not the fantasy life I had in Flagstaff, but I am torn between jumping in feet first, or gently immersing myself back into a regular routine. Either way, I am kicking and screaming. I really wish I were a more accepting type of person, but I don't think that will ever happen for me. If I really don't want to do something, I plant my feet and try not to budge, and if I have to budge I am sullen. Not one of my more attractive qualities, but it is something I own. I know that.
I am trying to get in touch with the creative side of me, to ease the transition. I finally got to spend some time at the torch today, and it was productive and calming. If I take baby steps, and am more gentle with myself, I just might come out of this stormy place.

The weekend is over

and I am left with wonderful memories of good times. Most of my daughters were able to visit me on my next-to-last weekend in Flagstaff, and we all had a great time. We enjoyed the sights on the square, had great food and good spirits, talked and laughed and walked around the town.
Saturday brought more fun, a nice hike at Kachina Trail, lots of rain and more friends. This weekend was the perfect end to a wonderful summer that I will always remember. I found out much about myself, listened to my muse and created. I let my environment lead the direction my art is taking, and had much fun playing with my lampwork beads. I accomplished most of what I set out to do, and left a few things to work on in the future.
I am not the same person I was in June. This was the first time in my adult life that I actually spent time completely alone, and I learned how to be with myself. Not easy for somebody who has spent almost a lifetime being a mother and wife. And what a gift it was. The following are some of the things I learned.
I learned to be present in my own life without distraction, and to take ownership of my dreams.
It's easy to be authentic when alone.
I realized that I don't always have to agree with others, but really should listen to other sides and opinions for pearls of wisdom.
It really is a good idea to go outside and exercise daily.
It's great to have friends from all age groups.
Naps are a great idea at any age.
I learned it's OK to have cereal for supper, lunch and breakfast, and that it's really important to have a variety on hand to choose from.
I learned to enjoy my own guilty pleasure (Six Feet Under HBO TV Series), and found that it was a way to bond with others.
Happy hour can mean coffee, too.
Apartment living is not for the faint of heart, and it would not be bad to be hard of hearing when it comes to music coming from other apartments.
A noisy fan makes great white noise.
Dogs are the easiest way for humans to make friends.
I'll post more words of wisdom as I remember them.

Flagstaff is

a lot like Florida in the summer. How so, you say? It has rained almost every afternoon at 3PM, just like Orlando. It's sometimes a hard, teeming rain, othertimes it just seems to "spit". It is a great way to break up the day, as in what should I do before the rain, or after.
Today I decided to make beads after the rain. I was a little tired, we hiked yesterday and "kinda-sorta" missed a turn-off, and that turned our hike into a little longer than we had planned, so I have been tired and achy since then, which really isn't a good combination when working with fire. I will be interested to find out what will come out of the kiln in the morning.
I was experimenting with form and shape, inspired by Heather's new career as a "Doula". What is a Doula? She assists during labor and delivery to try to make it as drug free as possible. It is a special calling, and I am sure Heather will be one of the best!

I want to ride my bicycle

Are the lyrics to a Queen song. And also one of my favorite things to do. Sometimes I do get carried away, like today. Beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful Flagstaff day, and me on my bike, with the wind in my hair, not a care in the world! I can't think of a better recipe for disaster. Note to self, Pay Attention! The ride out of town was great, downhill, wind at my back, sunny. I just forgot that what goes down must come up-like hills- wind in your face, using the lowest possible gear and still going 2 mph, and then you walk the bike for a mile or two and hope the wind dies down and you find a downhill part of the route.

So, the best part of the ride was getting home in one piece, taking a long bath for the aching muscles, and the nap after. I guess I cancelled all the good I did with the bowl of chocolate ice cream I gave myself for my reward.

Having finished my 30 or more minutes of physical activity for the day, and being somewhat refreshed, I then decided that I would make jewelry and beads. And boy, did I! I played with fire for several hours, and then got creative with my bead box and made bracelets, cell phone charms, more bracelets and a couple of pendants. I'll post them on my website in a day or two.

I have more ideas than time, and sometimes the ideas in my head are not what happens with my hands. Every now and then, a happy accident occurs, and then I can say "I meant to do that!"

I think it's time

to write. Sometimes I might have something profound to say, other times I will probably not write at all. But, for now, as I sit on my balcony and enjoy the beautiful weather that is Flagstaff, I will just express gratitude. To my husband, Bob, for helping to make this happen, to my employer, Healthwaves, as well, and to this beautiful place, Flagstaff, which has rescued me, and is allowing me to refresh and reconnect.

It is hard to create when you can't breathe. When the air is clean and fresh, the surroundings glorious, and the heart is open, wonderful things can happen.

So, here I am in Flagstaff, playing with fire for the time being. Phoenix will have me back soon enough. I am learning a new rhythm in my life; to slow down and appreciate all that is given. To not always have to do-sometimes just to be. And, to create. New beads, new jewelry, new ideas.

To sniff around a little, like my dog, Jewly, (aka LSD). To take my time and appreciate. And sometimes, to just take a little nap!