Playing with Fire

When I began writing this blog, I thought it would be about my life as an artist, about lampworking, making beads from glass. Maybe a little bit about the creative process.
After reading through my posts, it suprised me to discover that I have hardly written about beadmaking at all. This has turned into a running commentary of my life, loves, musings, shortcomings, spirituality, politics, and other things in-between.
In consideration of these topics, I can honestly say this blog is aptly named. I guess I really am playing with fire. My opinions are my own, and many might disagree with me. My musings are introspective, my shortcomings are many, my spirituality is hybrid, and my politics lean left. I don't even know if anybody really reads this, but it's OK. The writing is therapeutic, and I feel that some of what I say matters. The more I write, the more authentic I feel. I realize that it's not necessary for everybody to agree on everything, but if a dialogue can begin, maybe I have made a little bit of a difference.
I will continue to play with fire, one way or another. Thanks for reading. Peace.

She's not here yet,

but I feel her peeking around the corner. She seems to be making a tentative entrance, but is not yet willing to commit to coming home. I think that she may have enjoyed her freedom, and is not sure she wants to stick around, but I think she is willing to have a conversation.
That's all I really want, a conversation. To find out what our differences are, to find out if we can compromise, find common ground, agree to disagree about those things which we are unwilling to give up, to start over, make amends, shake hands, give a hug. Maybe we could each introduce our new friends to one another, have coffee, brainstorm, share, laugh and love.
Maybe we could call a truce. It won't be the same as before, but maybe it will be better.
Welcome back my friend, my muse. This artist has missed your input and ideas. She welcomes your creative energy, and promises to honor you as you deserve.

Packing for a trip

to Venice Beach this weekend. I think my husband is tired of my whining about how hot it still is, so he is taking me to the ocean, the Key West of California. This is the place where I will get my feet wet and soothe my soul, smell the salt water, feel the breeze, play and watch people.

The ocean is my personal "Heart"land. I plan to drink in this elixir and savor it as it nourishes me and re-hydrates this Pisces fish. It's been too long since I have been near salt water. Maybe I can find my muse. Maybe all she needs is a little water to grow again.

There is a festival planned for Sunday, I am looking forward to it. Mingle with artists, listen to music and enjoy my element. I have such high hopes for this trip. I hope this jaunt is what I need to spark my creative fire again.

Misplaced Muse

I've misplaced my muse. I don't know where I put it, or if it ran away. Maybe it's in hiding, waiting for the weather to break, like I am.
I've looked in all the usual places, my indoor jewelry studio, my outdoor glass studio, under my bed, in the closets, even in the books I use for inspiration. It has vanished. No trace of it. I really miss it.
I know it can't have gotten very far, because I just had it a few weeks ago. Like most precious things, I must have set it free, hoping it would return to me refreshed and renewed. I hope it returns soon because I am really lonely without it.
Please, let me know if you see it, and ask it to come back to me. I will be more respectful of it, I promise, and will cherish it they way it deserves.

It's really easy to get behind

because I haven't written here for over a week! Life has been busy, crazy, and I am just getting back into the swing of things in Phoenix. It was really hard coming down the mountain that final day, and I have been in a funk ever since. It didn't help that I took a weekend trip to Cleveland over Labor Day, a place that's not exactly known for its weather. It rained, of course, alot.
I am trying to gradually ease myself back into my everyday life, not the fantasy life I had in Flagstaff, but I am torn between jumping in feet first, or gently immersing myself back into a regular routine. Either way, I am kicking and screaming. I really wish I were a more accepting type of person, but I don't think that will ever happen for me. If I really don't want to do something, I plant my feet and try not to budge, and if I have to budge I am sullen. Not one of my more attractive qualities, but it is something I own. I know that.
I am trying to get in touch with the creative side of me, to ease the transition. I finally got to spend some time at the torch today, and it was productive and calming. If I take baby steps, and am more gentle with myself, I just might come out of this stormy place.

The weekend is over

and I am left with wonderful memories of good times. Most of my daughters were able to visit me on my next-to-last weekend in Flagstaff, and we all had a great time. We enjoyed the sights on the square, had great food and good spirits, talked and laughed and walked around the town.
Saturday brought more fun, a nice hike at Kachina Trail, lots of rain and more friends. This weekend was the perfect end to a wonderful summer that I will always remember. I found out much about myself, listened to my muse and created. I let my environment lead the direction my art is taking, and had much fun playing with my lampwork beads. I accomplished most of what I set out to do, and left a few things to work on in the future.
I am not the same person I was in June. This was the first time in my adult life that I actually spent time completely alone, and I learned how to be with myself. Not easy for somebody who has spent almost a lifetime being a mother and wife. And what a gift it was. The following are some of the things I learned.
I learned to be present in my own life without distraction, and to take ownership of my dreams.
It's easy to be authentic when alone.
I realized that I don't always have to agree with others, but really should listen to other sides and opinions for pearls of wisdom.
It really is a good idea to go outside and exercise daily.
It's great to have friends from all age groups.
Naps are a great idea at any age.
I learned it's OK to have cereal for supper, lunch and breakfast, and that it's really important to have a variety on hand to choose from.
I learned to enjoy my own guilty pleasure (Six Feet Under HBO TV Series), and found that it was a way to bond with others.
Happy hour can mean coffee, too.
Apartment living is not for the faint of heart, and it would not be bad to be hard of hearing when it comes to music coming from other apartments.
A noisy fan makes great white noise.
Dogs are the easiest way for humans to make friends.
I'll post more words of wisdom as I remember them.

Small town living

Is all I thought it would be. I love the sense of community, the comraderie, and the pride of a small town. This is not my first experience, I lived in a small place in Florida for a while, and I find that many of the perks are still the same.
I had the opportunity to go to Heritage Square tonight for the Friday night movie. A projector is set up, people bring lawn chairs, blankets, coolers and kids for a summer-time free movie. It's a great way to meet local people and strike up a conversation. Usually there is another form of entertainment while waiting for the sun to set. Last week it was The Wicked Tinkers, (from an earlier post). This week it was the local dance studio showcasing the folk dances of Mexico.
All the dancers, but especially the children, wore their finest costumes and put on the best show of the evening. There is something special about children getting a chance to showcase their talents on stage, and the music provided was upbeat and happy.
I think that encouraging our kids to enjoy the arts, dancing, singing, music and fine arts, benefits everybody. The children our happy and proud of their accomplishments, and the adults are able to enjoy the efforts of the children and feel pride for them as well. A wonderful way to end the week and start the weekend on a positive note for all.

Rain!

It just finished raining. Who would have thought that would be cause for celebration, but it is. This "fish out of water" really looks forward to the rain now. It cleanses and cools, even here in Flagstaff.

Bob is on his way here, he says the heat in the valley is "Toasty". Personally, I think the thermostat down there is on "broil", which is why I am here. It will be good to have him here for the weekend, it's been almost a week since I've seen him.

I think today's lesson is gratitude. Gratitude for the chance to be in this place, and do what I do, gratitude to the people who made this possible, and to the universe for letting the stars align in the right formation.

I was up late last night creating. I was using beads I have had for awhile, and they finally spoke to me. I came up with some very interesting designs. I am sure it happened because I allowed myself to play and dream and be thankful for the time and energy to do it.

One of the goals I have set for the time I am here in Flagstaff this summer is to allow myself to experiment with my jewelry, and try new techniques. This is one of the necklaces I created last night. The focal "peace" in the necklace was created by KimmBerly Ioane and was purchased last weekend at the "Flagstaff Art in the Park" show. The complimentary lampwork beads along the side were made by me with sand from Sedona, Please let me know what you think.