Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Happy Ness

I am happy. Did you hear that? I am Happy!!!! This is something which has crept up on me and surprised me. Those of you who know me know that I have not been Happy living here in Arizona. As a matter of fact, its been one long "Poor me" for the past 8 years. I have been kicking and screaming since the day we moved to Phoenix, and rarely have I come up for air. The closest I came to not being unhappy was the summer I spent in Flagstaff. But when I came back to Phoenix that September, I crashed and burned, and was in worse shape than before I left.
I don't really know what happened to me. I just know that I finally feel at peace. Maybe I stopped fighting so hard. Maybe I decided to go with the flow instead of swimming upstream. Maybe I realized that I am in charge of my own destiny, and feeling sorry for myself won't get me anyplace that I want to be. Maybe during this forced healing period more than just my hip is healing. In any event, I won't question it, I won't analyze it, I won't deny it. I will accept it, and all the gifts that come with it.
Along with peace of mind also comes gratitude. Or, maybe it's the other way around. Maybe gratitude precedes peace of mind. Gratitude for the ability to feel happiness. Gratitude for my long-suffering husband who has listened to my constant complaints, and tried his best to help. Gratitude to my children for doing what they could to pull me out of my well of self pity. Gratitude to Jewly the puppy dog for listening to me rant and rave, and still being happy to see me. And gratitude for the ability to recognize that I am no long unhappy.
Maybe happiness is just the right combination of gratitude and peace of mind, with a sprinkle of creativity added for flavor.