Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Hiking Beyond the Equinox

The autumnal equinox has just slipped by. Fall is slowly approaching yet is not quite here. The aspen leaves are tinged at the tips with the yellow gold they are so famous for, and the ferns are losing their summer luster as if they, too know the mild days of the season are behind them. The whisper of the gentle wind is slightly breathless as if waiting for the deep slumber of winter.

The aspens follow me with their unblinking eyes, as if to say"Stay on the path, don't wander too far lest you lose your way. Gather what nourishes you, so that you may stay comfortable beneath winter's white blanket. Slow down, conserve your energy and be mindful of the changing seasons."

Yet, amid the ferns and wood, freshly blossomed wildflowers thrive. Their days are numbered, to be sure, but they reach toward the warming sun and drink it in, for they are living in the moment.

I, too am beyond the third moon, heading into the season of change. Will I hold onto the lush green of summer only to watch it turn brown in my hands, or will I stand back and allow the leaves to change into the gorgeous hues of autumn. Will I hold on to what was, or look forward to what may become? Will I discover the wildflowers among the fallen leaves? One thing is certain. I will not rest under winter's frozen blanket until all of the leaves have fallen and flowers picked, for I intend to arrange these lovelies into a colorful bouquet for those who would come after.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Don't you forget about me

My posts have become fewer and farther in-between. Sometimes life is like that, we start something, then put it aside for awhile to rest, like bread dough, only to have it rise up again bigger and better. Don't know if this is bigger or better yet, but thought I would try to pick up where I left off.
The apartment isn't so bad, but it is challenging making beads in the tiny bedroom with a hothead torch. It forced me to go back to the basics and concentrate on form and technique. I like that-sort of like a refresher course. I don't like the fact that it is as hot if not hotter than my garage studio.
I am still trying to find my muse again-to be inspired to create something new-to enjoy the process. It's really hard to work 40+ hours weekly and come home with any energy at all, let alone creative energy. But like attracts like, and if I continue to complain, I'll complain even more.
I am happy to have a place to work, and to have a job which pays me well enough to continue to try to be some kind of an artist. So I guess I will act "as if" and maybe I'll begin to feel it. Then maybe , just maybe, my muse will return.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Fun on the Fourth

I know this is a little late, but I thought I would share my wonderful holiday with you. Since my Flagstaff daughter went to Florida this week, she graciously lent us the use of her apartment in one of my favorite places, Flagstaff! The weather couldn't have been better, the skies were a clear blue without a hint of cloudiness, and a gentle wind caressed me as we hiked along the Kachina Trail near Snowbowl. There was a tinge of smoke in the air, as the fires of the past few weeks smoldered, though they were contained. The town was not very crowded, fewer people than last year. I think it might have been due to the fires.
We took the dogs, Jewly and her grandnephew Buddha. Both of them appreciated the break from the heat, and had plenty of energy to walk around town with us, and beg shamelessly if somebody wanted to pet them. Buddha is not crazy about being on a short leash, but it's better than a lawsuit if somebody were to trip over him. Jewly just sniffed her way around, like always.
This little trip was a welcome respite from a week in the heat of Phoenix. Summer is my least favorite time here, and this past week had been challenging. Someone broke into my car and made a real mess while I was at the vet with Jewly, who has been sick from the stress of moving. The culprit smashed my window in broad daylight! The glass company promised to fix my window by early afternoon, but never showed up until 5PM. By that time I was more than a little peeved, and unfortunately took out my anger on the poor guy who was only trying to help.
Once I stepped back from the situation, I realized what a creep I was. It wasn't the repairman's fault my window had been shattered, nor was it his fault my dog was sick. I think I lashed out at the first person unlucky enough to be in close proximity to me.
Note to self: "listen before you speak, think before you act."

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Less Than 3 Weeks, and Counting!

We are going to Oregon this year for our vacation. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, and we finally have the chance to get out of this heat for 8 glorious days! We will fly into Medford on July 16, and try to see as much of the western side of the state as possible in a week. Our itinerary includes Medford, Ashland, Salem (Art Fair, Yeah) possible Portland and the Marrekesh restaurant, Grants Pass, Astoria and other coastal towns, and Crater Lake, of course. This is the thought that will get me through till then-It rains there!
This is also a hunting trip, sort of. Hunting for that elusive place to call home. The place to work and play and dream and live. The place that will tell me it's time to retire these wandering ways and give my attention to living in the present. The place where I can set up my studio and really work.
Or, maybe this trip will lead me someplace else. Maybe, like Dorothy, all I have to do is click my heels 3 times and say "There's no place like home".

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Home Sweet Apartment

I haven't lived in an apartment since my early 20's. It takes a little getting used to, but I guess it's OK for now. I have no attachment to this place, though I have put out my glass and will hang my pictures. I like the large closets, and have even arranged the spare room to serve as a makeshift jewelry studio. The only thing I won't be doing here is making the beads. Fortunately I have found studio space to use. It's not as convenient as walking outside, but it will do for the time being.
This is the transition period. The time to decide. The time to listen to my intuition and follow my heart. It is not the time to get attached to places, things or situations, but it is the time to let things be as they will. Good will come if expected, and the life I imagine will be.
In the meantime, I will enjoy what is. I am fortunate to be able to do this, to work and save and wish and think and believe. I believe some call that magic.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

This blog is aptly named

I know I said I would never do it again, but it seems that this summer I will really be "Playing with Fire in Phoenix." Yup, here for another summer. Not happy about it. Not sure if I can make it through. Don't even know where or if any glass will be melted, or any art made. Seems like things spun out of my control this year, and I have to learn to let go.
Sold the house (good), could not find another (bad), could not agree on a place to go (bad), ended up in an apartment (bad), but it does have a pool (good), except who even wants to go outside when its 110 (bad). Add up the goods and the bads and you can see where my mindset is. Big surprise.
Last year it was so exciting moving into an apartment in Flagstaff. The air was clean and fresh (when there were no wild fires), the mountains were cool and green, the glass was just waiting to become something beautiful. It seemed a summer of unlimited possibilities. Going outdoors was a given, who could possibly waste the beautiful weather and scenery? I could walk to Jamie's, the Campus Coffee Bean, and the grocery store-even at midday! I could bike to downtown, the library, the hiking trails. The surroundings inspired me, and each day was something to look forward to and live fully and completely.
Fast forward to the present. Anybody living in Phoenix will understand that if it's not done outside by 6AM, it's not going to get done until the next morning. But this is my challenge. Will I come out the other side of this summer intact? It's anybody's guess. I'll keep you all posted.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

It's April Already?

Where has this year gone to? It seems I blinked, and it's spring and seriously close to summer. I think I have become what I didn't really want to be. I have been working non-stop since December. Working for pay, not working as in creating. I miss that part of me. I thought that I would be able to keep that part of me going, but I feel so depleted. I feel that I have nothing left to give.
How can I find my muse again? Do you have any ideas for me? The glass is calling, the ideas are there, but the energy isn't. I need Flagstaff to help me heal.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Hello Again

Hi to all! I know I have been MIA lately, no jewelry, no blog posts, no "nuthin". Was starting to feel bad about it until I read Kim Miles latest blog posts, and I realized I wasn't alone. Sometimes the creative nature needs downtime to refresh and renew. I hope that's what is happening to me.
Those of you who have been reading my blog know that I had a tough time coming back to Phoenix after my idyllic summer in Flagstaff. Who knew I would crash and "burn" like I did. It was really hard coming back, and even harder to create good work. I just wasn't inspired. Then I took a new job, leaving friends and familiarity behind. Not only did I feel like a fish out of water, but I also felt guilty about not creating.
Nothing has ever been helped by will be helped by that! So, it is comforting knowing that others go through this too. And, eventually I will feel the urge to create again.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New Year, New Job

I know it's been a long time since I've written. Much has happened. I have a new job, which I am enjoying, and the Christmas season was very good for Deb's Glass Designs. I am still working on orders received then. I think it's because most of my work is sold on, which is a clearinghouse auction site for non-profits. Purchases made on the website benefit the non-profit of your choice, and you get to select from a vast array of merchandise, travel, tickets, etc. It's worth a look.
Promise more to come soon.